My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
