Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
