I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
