On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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