she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
