Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
