I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
