Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
