Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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