I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize