If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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