Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
