CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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