Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
