We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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