My sheets look like a crime scene.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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