Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
