Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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