bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she told me i tasted like america
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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