Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
