I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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