Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
