I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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