Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
