had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
