your parents love me but you hate me
Pappa wants mamma naked
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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