dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
