I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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