Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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