We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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