my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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