I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
