I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
