I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Never underestimate the power of titties
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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