You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize