shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
