So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
