so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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