just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
