Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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