When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
