this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
