Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
