Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
