I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
