apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
