I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
