I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
