OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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