Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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