I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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