This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize