Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
