Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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