I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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