Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
