i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
