Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
