I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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