either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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