you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had sex on a dog bed..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
