My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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