Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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