i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
