You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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