It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
