i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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