I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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