smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found the puke drawer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
