Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
