I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As shirtless as possible
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
