i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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