Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
