You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
