I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you inspire me to be a worse person
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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